Being single has some pretty great moments. The fact that there is no guy in my life does not make everything suck. I quite enjoy my life. Still, I have these moments when I feel totally devastated. I know that I am only 21. That has been told to me time and time again. The painful feeling usually comes as I am lying in bed at night. Most nights I am okay. Being single is not the end of the world. It is the part of life I am in and I am honestly okay with that. I am grateful for my years to live and learn about who I am separated from other people. But those dreadful nights sneak in every now and then.
I miss him; whoever he is.
Being single is not a new stage of life for me. The single life has been my life for a few years. Some people that is their entire life. I start wondering why no one thinks I am special yet. I know I am single because I am holding out for a really great man. My mind knows that. Those nights, as I cry, tell me otherwise. In those nights I am completely vulnerable. There is no one to take my hand, to hold me, or even to tell me I am just overreacting. I want to find this man. Better yet, I want him to find me. I wish there was a list of instructions on how to make that happen. There isn’t. I am just doing the best I can for now by leaving opportunities to meet someone.
My life tends to revolve in the same circle. I go to school, I work, and I go to church. I live the same week over and over. Where am I supposed to meet that special someone? Is he supposed to magically appear in my circle? Do not get me wrong. God can do anything. God can send my wonderful hunk of a man to my small church plant randomly. If God wants it to work out that way, then He will make sure it does. Here are my thoughts on waiting for a guy to just show up (in most cases): You can’t be standing in the middle of the street, staring down a semi-truck, and then get mad at God for not stopping it from hitting you. In other words, God probably is not going to just do everything for you while you do nothing. Put in some effort. Don’t be stupid. (Use this advice for as many situations in your life that you want.)
How I’m stepping out there
Here are my few attempts at finding new men. My first idea was talking to the guys in my classes. I always show up to my first class early (I hate being late, and I want my perfect seat). As the other students walk in I will keep my “looking, but not desperate” eyes out. Being a psychology major I do not find tons of attractive guys. More than half of us psychology people are weirdos. I’ll admit it. For all of the psychology majors out there, you know this is true.
When I see an attractive male I watch for the next few classes to see if he is intelligent as well. This past semester I found a winner. He was cute, smart, and very polite. We sat next to each other most of the semester. I paid very close attention to how he acted and what he talked about. This was a genuinely fun and kind man. Sadly, I never asked him what his name was. Right before I was going to he let a cuss word slip out of his pretty lips along with a story of him getting wasted earlier that week. Bummer. He just randomly threw it out there as if it were supposed to impress me. Meeting new guys in class has just not been working out.
Like any Christian girl looking for a man, I went to the most logical place. I found a good young adults group to attend. Now, do not judge me. I do love Jesus. I did learn and grow from this group. It was not all about the boys. Let’s be honest though. How stupid would I be if I were in a room full of Christian men my age and I wasn’t keeping a look out for one to have for myself? The trouble there was that EVERY GIRL WANTED THOSE GUYS. The guys were at a point where they just stopped talking to most of the girls. It is really hard to get someone to fall head over heels for you when they won’t even talk to you…
By this point I was running out of ideas. It is not like I can just start clubbing or meeting men in bars. I highly doubt I will find my winner there (unless God pulled a backwards Hosea move on me). It is not very common to find a man who has daily devotionals in a dark and smoky bar. Impossible? Maybe not. It just does not seem to be very likely.
Online Dating
The only logical thing I could think of was to open up my laptop and make a profile on an online dating website. Yep, you read that right. Before you mark me off and call me crazy, hear me out. I am a smart girl who truly loves God with all of her heart. My face is not hard to look at and I am not that weird. I just wanted to find that someone. With an open mind I paid too much money for a month of an experience I surprisingly do not regret. There were a few nice guys on there that I had fun conversations with. They were not what I was looking for, but they were nice and funny. Not everyone online is crazy or desperate. It was fun and made good jokes for my friends and me. Eventually, they were looking at the different single male profiles with me.
I am not saying everyone should go make an online dating account. What I am saying is that I am not against it. Turns out I prefer a friendship to blossom into something more. I was not really into talking to someone knowing they just wanted to date me. It did not work for me, but it is not as crazy as everyone makes it out to be.
Make the best of your time waiting
My eyes have definitely been open to noticing what I call “potentials”. I am looking for that man to be my love and best friend. Finding him has turned out to be a lot more difficult than I ever imagined. Most people I know have these great stories on how they met their love young and how their fairy tale came to be. Wherever my husband is, he needs to magically appear in my life. That would just make this process so much easier.
As much as we may want our special someone, choose to be happy with where you are at in life. Be confident, fun, and loving. Not for any man. Do it to be a fantastic woman. Do it to be a Godly woman. At some point I stopped improving myself for a man and started doing it for God and myself. I don’t remember the exact moment. I’m not sure where I was standing. What I do know is that I now like myself and my life. That came from God, not any man. Not even Prince Charming could have given me that.
In those lonely nights, when your mind won’t quiet down, pray. Thank God for all that He has done and is doing for you. Ask Him how He can use you now. Do not waste this precious time. No matter what, until I meet the most fabulous man in the world I will keep living my life and being awesome. You should do the same.