♫ Said pretty Pam to her best friend Troy
Did you hear what I heard?
See that girl talking to that boy?
Did you hear what I heard?
A hoe. A hoe.
I don’t know what he sees
But you didn’t hear it from me…
No, you didn’t hear it from me… ♫
Would this be a more honest Christmas carol? While the shepherd boy was hearing a song of angels, we are hearing gossip. There is that word: GOSSIP. We hear about how bad it is a lot. Everyone says they hate it. Yet, it still happens.
Gossip
I have had friendships completely ruined by gossip. Lies have been spread about me, which sucked. The ugly truth has been told about me as well, which sucked even more. I am sure I am not the only one who has been hurt by others discussing my personal business. It doesn’t feel good. No one likes people talking about them. That’s why when we do it, it is behind people’s backs and in secret.
How often do you find yourself talking about someone else? Were you speaking truth (not assumed truth or personal opinions)? Was it helpful in any way? Did it encourage anyone? Why did you say anything at all? Was it necessary? The most simple question to ask – was it kind?
When I graduated preschool I had to quote a scripture verse. I quoted Ephesian 4:32 “Be kind to one another…” Simple and easy to memorize. As a preschooler I knew this verse well. So did we forget about this verse, or do we only apply it to situations when we feel like it?
Self check
We could justify our actions pretty easily, because we are selfish. Sometimes we call our gossip “venting” or wanting other to “understand us.” Other times we are spreading rumors, because we are “concerned” for that person. Do not let your justifying nature blind you. When you break those actions down to their core, 97.3% of the time it is gossip.
Gossip hurts people. It hurts the people that we are called to love. If someone is spreading rumors about you, that does NOT give you right to return to favor. The rest of that verse says “…forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” There is never an excuse to gossip. There is also never an excuse to allow it to happen around you.
Strategy to stopping gossip
About 5 years ago I developed a technique to end gossip happening around me. It isn’t rude or insulting. I simply change the subject. The phrase I use every time is “You know what bummed me out about SAGU? That they didn’t have Coca-Cola anywhere on campus…” This usually works. Most of the time the subject is changed and everyone moves on. That is, unless a hard core gossiper is in the room.
As a Christian it is our job to stand up for righteousness. Particularly in dealing with gossip, we are not called to sit quietly and listen. If changing the subject doesn’t work, then do what you would want someone to do for you: tell them to stop. It may be fun and intriguing to hear what is going on in everyone’s lives, especially that juicy stuff. The thing is, if that person wants you to know, then they will tell you directly. The listening party is just as guilty as the one talking. Have character and do what is right no matter how hard or uncomfortable it may be.
Let’s all make it a goal to avoid and discourage gossip. Find a way to change the subject. Stop yourself mid-sentence if you realize you are doing it. Treat people with kindness and encourage one another. Too many people have been burned by stories and rumors, and it’s time we fixed that. It starts with you first.